I have found the most powerful transformative experience to be when I decided I was going to feel good, and that nothing and no one will take away this feeling. It was one of my powerful experiences even though it may seem like nothing. In this sense, ‘nothing’ may be an answer for everything. So, let me tell you a story about a negative tape and a little thought analysis. A little sequence of thinking.
Stress at Work
On one of these cold and depressing winter days, I woke up and went to do my energy work at my healing office. (I am someone who totally prefers the summer over the winter). It was a little early and I decided to meditate before my client arrived. I was feeling stressed about the winter season for a few reasons that I won’t go into right now. Quieting my mind, and giving gratitude to the Universe for a few things, my mind still wanted to play tricks to make me feel unsatisfied about things I thought I didn’t have. I remember telling myself that I would be grateful for that day and I would not play the old tape. So, I stopped the negative tape for a minute.
Upon opening my eyes, I realized that my client was 15 minutes late. I called her, and she apologized that she had to cancel. She did have a reason to do so but I also felt like I had a reason to feel bad and play my negative tape, even though I stopped that tape just a minute ago. I had a reason to feel bad because I had to cancel things to see my client, and then she cancels on me and she is late. It sucks and there are many other things which suck right now… My thoughts got triggered, started going into the downward spiral, wanting to feel bad for this morning, and feel bad for much more.
This was the typical feeling bad mode, which tends to become a rabbit hole and destroy the whole day, looking for reasons to be miserable, and finding lack in my life and asking why everything sucks.
And here was the change in momentum. I took a deep breath, paused, stopped this thought and all the other negative thoughts in the raw and calmly said ‘no’ to it. Sitting a little bit longer with my eyes closed, I decided I have the power over my emotions, no matter what is going on. I knew that I could go with the old tape and feeling bad. Instead, I decided to try a different approach. The main thing was that I knew I can change who I feel. I was imagining how I want to feel for the rest of the day – empowered, joyful and in control. In control of my feelings. My mood shifted right away with a wave of gratitude. The negative tape stopped playing for good. There was no space for that anymore.
I went for a walk around the shore and felt like this was best day of my life because I knew the magic, I had the power. And I had a great place to live and I was very fortunate. Everything started to shift on that day and I have received so much abundance and magic. So many major changes happened in my life through that month. I felt prosperous and lucky. This is so simple! Why wasn’t I practicing this all the time? How can this be?
The meditation needs to be an everyday practice. Like everything else, if we stop practicing this ‘muscle’, it will become weak. I have my ups and downs. Sometimes I recognize my tapes playing in my head and sometimes I manage to change them for the positive ones. Surely, it requires some discipline.
I just need to make sure I find the time to meditate. I can do it, even though I have a 1-year old who wants all my attention for himself. He has it. But I am still in control to get a few minutes here and there, and remind myself what I am grateful for.
Writing this little yet meaningful story also reminds me to meditate with this attitude. “I have the power, I know the truth, and I am grateful for what I have.”